Ranting, raving and rambling.
Published on May 20, 2009 By Floozie In Life Journals

So it's been a long time. A long, long time. I miss being here. This is where I used to shake off my demons. And maybe I've not had demons I've felt the need to shake, which I guess is a nice place to be.

Since I've written last I've moved countries, I've established a career, I've found an abode with which I'm happy - I've pretty much built my life. And when I think about that I realise it's pretty cool.

But you know what - there are always common themes. There are things that will always pull you back. Or more closely, there are things that you won't let go of that you'll allow to pull you back.

So the big thing that's totally, boringly, annoyingly the same is that Mum is still sick. What has changed is that she's now officially dying. She has six months. So I guess she's not sick. Things have changed. Mum was sick, now she's dying

I'm resentful. I don't want to be dealing with this. I don't want the burden of the dying mother. I don't want all of the shit that  goes along with it. And I know that this makes me an awful person and an especially awful daughter. I don't want her to be dying because it's an imposition on me. Wow. I'm self obsessed.

I can't even find the right words for it. It's poo - and it's not just that. My thoughts are just boring me senseless. I want someone else to deal with it for me for a while so that I can have a holiday from the whole melee. Blurgh.

 

Blurgh.


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